The Do's and Don'ts of living with Robots
by District X
Summary: The title says it all. These are the do's and the don'ts of living with Robots
1. Chapter 1

Yeah, I jumped on the bandwagon, but I needed to try something with my OC in it, just to see if I could…

* * *

Rule #1: Be sure to alert people before playing loud music.

-Poor Sam was bleeding from his ears-

-Bumblebee wasn't happy-

-I blame Jazz, it was _his_ stereo-

* * *

Rule #2: Fake blood is a no-no.

-I got Ratchet to faint-

-I almost got Sam to cry, that big baby-

* * *

Rule #3: Telling Red Alert that something totally harmless is a weapon of mass destruction shouldn't be done

-I never saw my "Bomb" (cell phone) again-

-Sam's cell phone was also confiscated, then blown up-

* * *

Rule #3: Asking an Autobot if you can "Car Surf" on him/her is unacceptable.

-Ironhide said no-

-…Jazz said yes-

* * *

Rule#4: When talking, try not to use sarcasm. The Autobots will not get it.

-Ratchet: What do you mean today sucked? I feel no vacuum pressure.-

-Ironhide: Why would you want to blow up your school? Is there a Decepticon in it?-

* * *

Rule #5: Before singing to any kind of music, make sure that people are aware that it is, in fact music that you are listening to, and not anything that could insinuate that you are going to go suicide.

-Sam was locked in a padded room after singing KoRn.-

-"Keep holding on, when my brain's ticking like a bomb. Guess the black thoughts have come to get me…"-

* * *

Rule #6: Sitting around doing nothing but random twitching, and then shouting "THERE IS TOO MUCH BLOOD IN MY CAFFINE!" is not an acceptable way to get someone's attention.

-…It just isn't…-

* * *

Rule #7: Do NOT try to explain cartoons to the Autobots, as you will likely never, EVER see that show ever again.

-Sam isn't allowed to watch Metalocalypse anymore.-

-"That man's eyes just imploded! This isn't entertainment!"-

* * *

Rule #8: Make that any camera you carry is never used by any Autobot.

-As it seems, Autobots make sex-tapes too.-

-Enough Said-

-…Twins…-

* * *

Rule #9: No scary or violent video games.

-Optimus was worried about us when me and Sam laughed at some guy lighting himself on fire-

* * *

Rule #10: When Miles visits, try and keep him away from the Autobots, as he will ask many embarrassing questions.

-How do you guys "Do It?"-

-Should have referred him to rule #8-

* * *

Rule #11: You will never be as good on wheels as Sideswipe, Wheelie, or Arcee.

-"Are you sure about this?" Sam had asked, just before we roller bladed off of a jump.-

-We failed-

-Sideswipe laughed-

* * *

Rule #12: Asking where a bumper sticker is on an Autobot after they transform will result in a very long and awkward conversation about "Personal Questions".

-…"So it's like a tramp-stamp?"...-

* * *

Rule #13: Never pretend to cut yourself. Your Psychological health can and WILL be questioned.

-Refer yourself to rule #2-

* * *

Rule #14: Red Alert is not a toy, so it isn't okay to play with his mind.

-No, Red, that kitten will not hurt you…Much…-

* * *

Rule #15: Air soft Wars are fun, but the Autobots will be way too entertained by all the silly moves you do.

-Jumping over a chair to shoot small plastic BB's at someone's face will not impress them, Sam…-

* * *

Rule #16: Never, under any circumstances let Preceptor help you with your science homework.

-You probably won't get any points, seeing as your teacher will obviously realize that you don't know a lick of Quantum Physics-

* * *

Rule #17: Chasing Sam around the Autobot's hangar with a bowl of Lucky Charm's screaming "THEY'RE MAGICALLY F*CKING DELICIOUS!!!" is not a good way to start the day.

-I was grounded for cussing. And being insane.-

* * *

Rule #18: After doing something wrong, it is unacceptable to begin to run away from the person most likely chasing you, then shout "NINJA ROLE!", and proceed to summersault under Ironhide's alt. form to hide.

-Moral was, that he may be my guardian, but that doesn't mean he will guard me from trouble I caused-

* * *

Rule #19: Autobot's can tell when you are fake-crying to get what you want.

-Enough Said-

* * *

Rule #20: When lighting a fire-work, be aware of the consequences. This means DON'T DO IT!

-My Screaming Willy shorted out Mudflap's audio receptors.-

* * *

Rule #21: When sleeping with one of the Autobot's, try not to move too much. If you fall off, it is YOUR fault.

-It is a long way from on top of Optimus, to the floor.-

* * *

Yeah, I know it isn't my best writing, but if you want me to continue, you must review and tell me so. If you have ideas for a rule, go ahead and PM me with them


	2. Chapter 2

Next chapter, ONWARD!!!

* * *

Rule #22: Just because Ironhide is my guardian, doesn't mean that I should sleep with him often

-I learned that he is afraid he is going to squish me in his sleep-

-"But Hide, Sam sleeps with BB all the time, and nothing happened to him!"-

-"I am a lot bigger than Bumblebee, Dexter"-

-I pouted-

-He can't resist the pouting…-

* * *

Rule #23: Do NOT drink red kool-aid around Redalert

-Just don't do it-

-(He thinks its blood)

* * *

Rule #24: Before asking for anything, complement said Autobot first.

-"Why, Ratchet, is that a new wrench your carrying?"-

* * *

Rule #25: (Only applies to me) If you want something from Optimus, he really likes it when I call him Daddy, or Pops.

-His smile is just priceless, before another Autobot walks in and he hides it behind his face mask-

-Sam tried this technique, and everyone looked at him weird-

* * *

Rule #26: Whenever Wheeljack gives you a present, Optimus would like it if you would give it to him or Ratchet for a safety inspection.

* * *

Rule #27: Calling Optimus old will not insult him.

-He will just nod his head, and say "All the more reason for you to do what I say"-

* * *

Rule #28: After an argument with Optimus, never, EVER, **EVER**, wonder out loud what it would be like to live with Megatron. EVER.

-He gave me the saddest face I had ever seen-

-I cried I felt so bad-

-Ironhide put me under "house arrest", and made me write a 10 page report (BY HAND) over why never to say such things, and give it to Optimus.-

-I was forgiven, and a Hallmark moment ensued-

-Sam took pictures-

-…Dick…-

* * *

Rule #29: Just because they are HUGE doesn't mean they are loud. This means they CAN and WILL sneak up on you.

-Sam almost crapped his pants when Bumblebee popped out of nowhere-

-Jazz got me while I was listening to music-

* * *

Rule #30: It is a bad idea not to accept help when Ironhide drives you home at night when you are getting out of his alt. form.

-Chances are, you will be so tired, that you will fall out of him. That way you have scrapes, and a guardian that is acting like a big, black, sad dog-

-"No, Hide, it wasn't all your fault-

* * *

Rule #31: After a long day of work, Ironhide enjoys a good straitening of the wires in his cannons.

-Optimus was probably under the impression that we were doing something else with the way Ironhide was groaning-

-My ears bled when Optimus said what he thought we were doing…-

* * *

Rule #32: After spending a long time away from your guardian, be prepared for the worst.

-Sam wasn't prepared to be tackled by a 30 ft tall robot. "Yes Bumblebee, I missed you too. Now then would you please let me go? Please?"

-Ironhide prefers to wait till no one is looking before showing any affection, and then threatens me by death if I tell anyone-

* * *

Rule #33: Even if they come from many light-years away, I am not allowed to assume that they do not like our music.

-Optimus has grown fond of Nickelback…-

-Do not attempt to separate Ironhide from his precious Metallica.-

* * *

Rule #34: It is okay to show fear when being carried by an Autobot.

-"Dexter, are you all right? You look very pale." "I'm fine, O.P., just a smidgen dizzy from heights"

-I usually love heights, but being that high with nothing to hold on to is not my cup of tea.-

-Optimus now lets me hold on to his fingers-

* * *

Rule #35: Sam is not to be taken into a vicinity with energy drinks present.

-He crashes pretty hard-

-Poor Bee wondered how he fell asleep standing up-

* * *

Rule #36: Never make your Guardian mad.

-Ironhide made Optimus take me everywhere after I told him that I didn't get enough alone time because of him-

-Big baby gave me the silent treatment-

* * *

Rule #37: Do not show fear when being examined by Ratchet.

-I think he likes it…-

* * *

Rule #38: Telling your big robotic friends that tripping over flat surfaces is a skill, is not a good idea.

-Your mental health will be questioned-

* * *

Rule #39: Just because Ratchet can be mean, doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.

-I learned this when I had the Flu for two weeks, and he treated me like a baby.-

-"Uhhhh, Ratch? You can stop cradling me now."

* * *

Rule #40: Throwing a temper tantrum doesn't usually  work on most Autobots.

-Didn't work on Ironhide-

-Worked on Optimus-

-Didn't work on Jazz-

-Worked on Ratchet-

-Redalert just wanted to know why the tiny human was screaming, and was afraid.-

* * *

Ahhh, another good chapter. I know, they weren't TOO funny, but I am still proud of myself


	3. Chapter 3

Rule #41: Be aware that the Autobots possess several Holo-forms.

-The time that I learned this, is the time when some random stranger walked up to me, hugged me, and asked me how my day was.-

-I ran away screaming "PEDO! OPTIMUS HELP!!!"-

-It was Optimus I was running from-

-…it took two hours to find where I was hiding…-

* * *

Rule #42: Starting a dare tournament with the willing Autobots is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN!!

Prowl walked down the long hallway of the base that led out into the main hangar. Before he reached his destination, he could hear voices. "Do guys think it will work? I don't think this is all too safe…"

This was the voice of Dexter he heard. Then he heard Sam's voice "Hey, man, YOU got dared so YOU have ta' do it."

Prowl looked around the corner to see Dexter, Sam, Jazz, Wheeljack, Mudflap, and Skids. Dexter had a pair of heavy metal boots strapped onto his feet. Dexter looked up at them "Jazz?"

The silver bot shrugged his shoulders "Sorry, lil'man, you got dared. A dare is a dare."

Wheeljack held a small dial (small to him) in his hands, and got ready to do something. Then he spoke "Ready, in 3…2…1…Go!" Then he turned the dial up one notch.

Blue light shone from under the boots, but nothing happened. Wheeljack got tired of waiting, and cranked the dial all of the way up. Dexter lifted about a foot off of the ground. Dexter gave a cry of joy "HOLY CRAP! IT WORKS! IT REALLY WORKS! Okay, now let me down, 'Jack."

Wheeljack turned the dial down, but Dexter stayed suspended in the air. The boots gave a strange crackling noise, and finally exploded. Under Dexter.

The boy was thrown almost ten feet in the air, causing the twins to cry out in joy and amazement. Jazz dove forward, trying to catch the boy, but fell almost two feet short. Dexter hit the ground with a loud 'Huff' as all the air was knocked out of his lungs. Jazz picked the boy up in his hands. "Dex! Mah man, you' okay?!"

A single tear ran from Dexter's eye as he clutched his arm "Ouch." He said simply

It had been several hours since the hover boot incident. Dexter looked up at the assembled mechs. He was lying in a bed in the medical bay. The mechs assembled where the ones that had been in the tournament, Optimus, and Ratchet. "How could you fools be so irresponsible? Have you not learned already that humans are fragile? We all know that it is a big surprise that only Dexter was the one hurt here! He has 2nd degree burns on his arm and leg! I expect detailed reports on the incident from each and every one of you." Ratchet yelled looking at the mechs involved.

Dexter looked smug, that is before Ratchet looked down at him "That includes you."

Dexter shut up. Optimus just nodded at everything Ratchet said. Dexter's right arm was all wrapped up, along with his right leg. Everyone soon left, until the only ones left were Dexter and Optimus. "It seems as though you were injured. Are you all right?" He great bot said, leaning down till he was eye-level with the boy.

Dexter gave a small chuckle "Just wait till Ironhide finds out."

Optimus chuckled along with him. "And one more thing, NO MORE DARE TOURNAMENTS!!"

* * *

Rule #43: When talking with Redalert, never say anything that could be taken the wrong way. He spends a lot of time on the internet.

-"Anyway, he wouldn't get his hands off of me!" Dexter said, looking up at the security chief-

-Red paused for a second, before giving a shaky reply "That is what…she said?"-

* * *

Rule #44: Asking what day an Autobot was born will result in a long and painful talk.

-Mostly about how they weren't born, they were created-

-And there will be such precise replies; your head will probably hurt.-

-Poor Sam: I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE NANO-SECONDS, BUMBLEBEE!-

* * *

Rule #45: When helping Jazz set up a stereo, make sure the Sub-Woofers are bolted securely in their casings.

-One of them flung out, the solder broke off of the wires, and it mashed into my head.-

-He apologized, but I still stabbed a screwdriver into his hand-

* * *

Rule #46: Make sure that your guardian know when you are playing, and when you are fighting.

-Bumblebee had his cannon in my face so fast, I almost pissed my pants-

-Then Ironhide got mad at Bumblebee-

-They started fighting-

-Prowl saw them, and they got in trouble.-

-I was blamed-

-…Jerks…-

* * *

Rule #47: When relaxing with you guardian, make sure you lock the door.

Sam snickered as Dexter chased him half way around the base. With a machete. At the time, Sam had dropped the pictures he took. Ironhide's robotic Holo-form bent down to examine one of the pictures, and then began to chase Sam also "I'LL SLAG THAT BOY! RUN FASTER, DEXTER!"

Optimus also bent down to see the picture, and then he burst out in a loud guffaw. There on the paper, there was Ironhide's robotic Holo-form, lying on the couch in Dexter's room. It wasn't Ironhide he was laughing at per-say, but Ironhide's actions. There, curled in Ironhide's arms, was Dexter, both of them snoozing peacefully.

* * *

Rule #48: Be extremely careful about what you say around Ratchet.

-"I should just go kill myself right now, and save the school the trouble!"-

-……."What did you just say?"……..-

-O_0-

-"DEAR PRIMUS! HE'S GONNA KILL ME!"-

* * *

Rule #49: Never test any of Wheeljack's inventions.

-Even if it was a dare-

-*Cough*, Rule #42, *Cough*-

* * *

Rule #50: NEVER, EVER, EVER eat in any of the Autobot's Alt. Forms!

-Ironhide _really_ doesn't like the feeling of slushie dripping down his seats.-

* * *

Wow, these keep on getting less and less funny…What do you guys think?


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys, it's been a while since I have written anything, but you deserve so much more than a neglectful me. Enjoy!

* * *

Rule #51: Autobots tend to come into the room at the wrong time of a conversation.

-…Anyway, blood was flying everywhere, the dudes hand was halfway off, I still had ¼ of a cookie left, a Cheeto was lodged in my windpipe, and-……Oh, hey Red.-

-I never have seen someone run away from me so quickly-

* * *

Rule #52: The term "That's What She Said", has been banned until further notice.

-Oh there are sooo many things that have happened to induce that rule-

Ironhide walked into the Rec. Room, a smile on his face, which was a rare occurrence. He set Dexter up on the catwalk, where Sam and Mikeala were holding hands. The dark haired girl whispered something in his ear, which caused Sam to snicker with delight. "Get a room, you two." Dexter said, plopping down on the couch suspended on the catwalk, right between Sam and Mikeala.

Sam ignored him, and looked at where Ironhide had plopped down on a bench not to far away with a content sigh. "Why are you so happy, big guy?" Sam asked

"I just got done with a rigorous session of polishing my canons. They gleam just like the look of fear in a 'Cons eyes, just before they are blown away."

Sam and Mikeala snickered wildly, and Dexter paled. Sam talked again "And *snicker* did Dexter help you *giggle* polish your canons?

Ironhide smiled again "Yes, he did, he may be small, be he sure can get the job done"

Sam and Mikeala began to roll on the catwalk, screaming in laughter. Mikeala gasped repeatedly "T-that's what she said!" She screeched

Dexter began to ram his head on the safety rail of the catwalk, while Sam began to cry.

* * *

Rule #53: When attending the school on base, do not use your guardian to intimidate your friends.

-It worked-

-People stopped talking to me, because they were afraid that my psychotic black truck would run them over.-

-Oops-

* * *

Rule #54: When you use a hair products to gel your hair, make sure what you are using is actually hair gel.

-Turns out, I had used Ironhide's canon polish-

-It turned my hair this greasy black color, and didn't come out for about a month-

-My hair looked AWESOME though-

* * *

Rule #55: Turns out, there IS a difference between canon polish and armor polish.

-Canon polish is MUCH stronger-

-I almost passed out when helping Ironhide polish his armor-

-I was high as a freaking kite when we were done-

-but DAMN was Ironhide shiny!-

* * *

Rule #56: Crying makes Redalert afraid, and it shouldn't be done.

-When one cracks the tips of their fingers after having them slammed in a door, is STILL not a good excuse to cry around him-

-"OH PRIMUS! OH PRIMUS, HELP! RATCHET, THE HUMAN IS LEAKING FROM ITS FACE! MAKE IT STOP!"-

-In all reality, it could have been worse-

* * *

Rule #57: For some odd reason, solving Rubik's cubes by re-arranging the stickers REALLY pisses off Perceptor.

-He wouldn't stop YELLING-

-He calls it an insult to one's intelligence-

-….It's my intelligence, I'll insult it if I want to….-

* * *

Rule #60: Sometimes, things will happen that you cannot understand, nor explain. One should do his/her best **not ** to freak out**.**

**-"**He just…Wait, it's all over the floor…I….Why is it purple?…..AHHHHHHHH! DEAR CHRIST!"-

-I still wasn't too sure what they were doing-

-Ratchet called it maintenance, I called it rape-

* * *

Rule #61: When a Decepticon cassette is found on** or** off base, it isn't a good idea to keep it as a secret pet.

-"But he is so AWESOME! I don't care what you say, I am keeping him. He makes a good blanket-replacement at night!"I had said-

-"CUTE?! That thing is a monster, not a pet! It just tried to bite my hand!" Ironhide had said-

-"That's 'cause your pissing him off!" I had said-

-"It's Ravage, he's always pissed off."Sam had said-

-"Awww, that's not true"I had said, just before giving the beast a pat on the head, cooing like he was a baby-

-He liked it, I swear-

* * *

Rule #62: If you are allowed to keep such a pet, be aware that it _might_ follow you to school.

-It is really hard to get a giant robotic feline to go back to your room-

-Especially when you are trying to talk to your new girlfriend-

-She dumped me-

-…Stupid Cat…-

* * *

Rule #63: Don't count on your guardian for being your transportation, without checking with him a few days before.

-I missed our Winter Formal dance! With my first girlfriend!-

-Oh wait, RAVAGE SCARED HER AWAY!-

-…Never mind…*pout*-

* * *

Rule #64: Over all the things on Nick at Night, it isn't good to be watching "The Nanny".

-Fran Drescher's voice amazes ALL Autobots-

* * *

Rule #65: Trying to ride Ravage like a pony isn't acceptable.

-I ended up with a broken wrist. It wasn't from falling, it was from Ravage turning around and biting me.-

-Ironhide was PISSED-

-Ravage apologized; 5 minutes later, he tried biting me again-


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys, I'm back, and I got a special EXTRA long chapter for you guys!

* * *

Rule #66: Giant Robot Guardian Tag/Hide and Go Seek IS NOT acceptable.

Dexter panted as he ran across Hangar B as fast as his legs would carry him. His laptop case banged frequently against his hip, as he panted, the breath coming from his body in short ragged gasps. He could hear a large motor rumbling from somewhere outside. Looking for him.

He could see the rail in front of him, that led to a down stairs area below the hangar, where the entertainment room was located. He pushed his glasses a little farther up his nose, and jumped over the rail, slumping up against the wall below. That is where he found Sam, also hiding and panting.

"You!" Dexter said, jabbing an accusing finger at Sam.

"This was YOUR idea!" The hacker said

Sam just panted and whipped sweat from his forehead. "How was I to know that they would take it seriously?! I blame Bee! He was the one that got all excited." He said, returning the hostile tone

Dexter was about to answer, when something overhead scared him. It was Mikeala hopping the rail. He landed to the left of Dexter, whereas Sam was on his right. The beautiful woman brushed some hair out of her hair as she panted. "Hey Dex, Sam." She said nonchalantly

"Why are you so calm?! I swear to god, Ironhide almost ran me over!" Dexter said, readjusting his laptop strap.

"Arcee already got me." Mikeala said, just before standing up.

Sam got a confused look on his face. "Wait, if Arcee already got you, then that means….-"

"-TRAITOR!" Dexter shouted, just before a giant yellow hand scooped both him and Sam up.

"Gotcha." Bumblebee rasped out.

* * *

Rule #66: Bragging about your Hacking skills will get you nowhere.

-Especially when Blaster totally one-ups you in front of everybody.-

* * *

Rule #67: Separating me from my coffee isn't a good idea.

-Tai (1) said it was like my "time of month" whenever someone did so-

-Headaches, Mood-swings, abdominal cramps, and _bleeding_ are common during these times, both mine and females-

-*Cough* *Cough* I'm _not _ going to be the one bleeding…O_0…-

* * *

Rule #68: When speaking to a women on the base, always answer correctly to rhetorical questions.

-"Does this dress make me look fat?"-

-…Yes…-

-That was the WRONG answer-

-*Smack*……*SmackSmackSmackSmack*-

* * *

Rule #69: Normal bodily functions creep Red Alert out.

-"AAAHHHHHH DEAR PRIMUS, ITS BREAKING!!!"-

-"I was just popping my fingers"….-

* * *

Rule #70: Halloween has been OFFICIALLY banned by Ratchet.

-…HintHint, it **wasn't **because of the costumes….-

-"WE GET IT! CANDY IS BAD FOR US!-

-…."Now give it back…"-

* * *

Rule #71: No one I allowed to play Owl City around the more mature mechs.

-They call it beautiful, and then they cry-

-It's fun to sign though-

-Red didn't get it-

-"What, Dear Primus, IS a Hot Air Balloon?"-

-He is scared of those now too….-

* * *

Rule #72: Using one of MY records as a Frisbee is SO BANNED.

-*Sob* Sam and Leo broke one-

-….Dicks…-

* * *

Rule #73: Don't try to stop Tatyana from doing things.

-It's just a whole lot easier for everyone to just let her do what she wants-

-…Else you get B*tch slapped…-

-I told her that it wasn't a b*tch slap, because b*tches can't b*tch slap-

-THAT was a mistake-

* * *

Rule # 74: Ironhide ISN'T a cat person.

-'Nuff said-

* * *

Rule #75: Quoting George Lopez will not get you anywhere.

-*If Leo were here right now, I would turn his head, so he could watch me kick his ass!*-

-*First I would reach my hand down his throat and pull out his stomach, then stretch it over his head and punch him in his stomach face!*-

-*Stomp Stomp Slam!*-

-*what makes you think you could hold on to a cellphone if you couldn't even hold on to your sippy cup?*-

-*They are not dolls, they are GIs and they are kicking hipi ass!*-

-*And thank you for playin': OH NO YOU DIDNT!*-

-*I think if I randomly ate those words and puke them onto the page, It'b be a much better poem.*-

-*I didn't sleep very good last night, and what I could use right now really, is a power nap. 'Cause if you defeat it a tired Dexter, really, what have you won?*-

-*You just got shot down by a sex offender!*-

-*I can never do nothing in this house!*-

-*Nobody's winning, we're eating cat food in the dark!*-

-*I WILL DO MAH' BEST TO GET THIS!*-

* * *

Rule #76: You do not have to yell up at the Autobots for them to hear them.

-They can hear you just fine-

-Plus they will complain that you are being too loud.-

* * *

Rule # 77: Family Matters is banned from base.

-I wonder why-

* * *

Rule # 78: Kicking an Autobot is not a good idea

-Like I said, you can just yell to get their attention-

* * *

Rule #79: Stabbing someone with a screwdriver isn't allowed

-He was making fun of my glasses…-

* * *

Rule #80: Taze-ing someone in the Nuts because they were annoying isn't a good excuse

-Oh, Sam. We get it, you don't like Leo.-

-You didn't have to taze him-

* * *

Uhhg...I don't feel all too confident in these rules...Oh well... REVIEW PLEASE


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys, I know its been a while since I updated this mo-fo, but its for a good reason!...Just give me a while to think of a valid excuse, but hey, you know, shit happens. I just got back from seeing Transformers 3:Dark of The Moon...

FUCKING INCREDIBLE. Kicks the living shit out of the first two if you ask me, plus it was LONG. Like over 2 hours long, with lots of plot twists and "Jizzed In My Pants" moments. Go see that shit.

Fo' Serious.

Any way, I bring you a special chapter. This one has some story junk in it, with lots of Sam and Dexter human-y drama, plus all your favorite Autobots. What makes this so special, is that instead of writing dumb little blurbs after each Rule, I'll give you tiny little sections of 100% low-fat **STORY!** **FREAKIN' HOORAY.**

So go get some high-fat popcorn (or bring some home from the movies!) and enjoy.

* * *

Rule #81: Just because Wheeljack says he can make something better, doesn't mean he really can.

Sam looked at the device in his hand, to the smiling Autobot engineer. "What...the hell did you do to my iPod?"

Dexter looked up from his computer screen briefly to also look at the device. "It looks like an iPhone fucked an airplane engine. Is that...Is that a car battery?"

Sam looked to the large black battery with exposed wires connecting the the 'iPod'. It didn't look safe to the touch, so he didn't.

"I don't know about you, but I am pretty sure that thing is gonna give you some type of incurable disease if you try and use it. Have fun with your Robot AIDS." Dexter said, before looking back to his computer and tapping away at the keyboard again.

Sam slowly set the odd, beeping device on the ground, before walking away at a rather speedy pace.

Wheeljack looked down at Dexter. "Robot AIDS?"

* * *

Rule #82: Lennox and Ironhide are horrible back-seat gun shooters.

Dexter took a long deep breath. All was quiet as he concentrated on what he was doing. One blue eye stared intently down the sights of a silver Colt Python revolver, and at the target further down range. Perfect shooting conditions. He had a perfect, clear view and everything was just right. Just as he was about to squeeze the trigger...

"Bend your elbows a bit." Lennox whispered behind him.

Dexter released his breath, and did so, his concentration broken. Again he prepared himself to blow away the target...

"Ease up on the handle." Ironhide said, seemingly coming from nowhere to watch his charge fire a gun.

Dexter huffed in frustration. "Would you guys knock it off? I had everything just fine, then you guys are just _bend your arms, blah blah blah-" _he bent his arms, mocking Will.

"_Ease up a little, Meeeh." _He also eased up.

Then, he aimed straight down the sights and pulled the trigger. The bang was louder than he had expected, and he probably should have been wearing ear protection. Again he huffed, but then in startled amazement, looked at his handy-work. There, right in the center of the target, was a bullet hole.

"Told you" they both said at the same time.

* * *

Rule #83: Nothing is sacred when your friends have access to your room. (Contains very slight Dark of the Moon spoilers)

Sam was frantic. He lifted up his mattress. He tore stuff out of all his cabinets. He threw things everywhere. _"Where is it, WHERE IS IT!"_

Sam quickly zipped out of his room. He rushed through the main area of the NEST base, now fully repaired from all the damages. Autobots where everywhere, testing things, building things, but what he had hoped to find wasn't anywhere to be seen.

He then had a hunch. He ran all the way across the base until he reached Dexter's room. He didn't bother to knock as he burst in the room. There was Dexter. Holding what he had been looking for. Smirking.

Sam gave a look of horror, before taking the notebook back from the 15 year old. "How long were you hiding THIS little number, eh Sam?" Dexter said, lightly chuckling in his spinning computer chair.

"You don't say a WORD of this to anyone. Especially Carly." Sam said, shaking the notebook at the teenaged hacker.

"Oh, I guess so...But whats in it for me?" Dexter said, examining his fingernails nonchalantly.

"20 bucks. Cash." Sam said, digging several bills out of his back pocket

"Coolio." Dex was quickly handed the bills, while Sam hurried out of the room.

"And Sam? You write some Damn good Poetry."

* * *

Rule #84: Danger should be avoided when at home.

Dexter sidled across the thin ledge of a support beam at the top of the NEST base. He gasped at how high up he was. There were Autobots everywhere below him, but none of them really took notice of him. He looked across the beam to where one of the NEST base's I.T. Guys, Mac, was holding a yellow cable to him from a window from the offices perched above. "Just run this Ethernet cable across the beam, and plug it into that T3 jack over there" Mac said, gesturing to the small panel inconveniently placed high above the ground. Then again, cables had to be run high in the ceiling to avoid trips and accidents.

Dexter had grabbed the cable, and was slowly making his way back across the narrow ledge to which he was perched. He was almost to the input panel when the toe of his Converse caught on one of the huge rivets sticking up from the support beam. He was unbalanced and then fell from the side.

Everything happened so fast. He heard Mac yell loudly, and he felt his feet leave the beam. He screamed as he plummeted. Surely this was the end...

Then, with a soft *Fwump*, he landed. He was being held in the large, armored hands of his Guardian. He looked up at Ironhide, his heart still racing. "Don't do that again, little one. You nearly gave me a spark attack."

* * *

Rule #85: Too much Red Bull is ill advised.

Dexter was in a great mood. Fantastic in fact. Why? Because he had just ingested 4 large can's of Red Bull. He was pacing at a rather fast walk through the NEST base. Left turn. Right turn. Through the door. Left turn. Right turn.

He quickly found himself out in the Main hall area, where all the Autobots are. He was muttering under his breath, and tapping his fingers quickly against his leg to some unknown beat. He was unaware that he was being stared down by half the people in base.

This was because his belt was unstrapped, his hair was flicked in every which way, his glasses where completely askew, and his right shoe was untied. He looked like a crazy person. He suddenly stopped and shouted "MORGAN FREEMAN, DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?"

He then hurried on his way to some unknown destination. Ratchet watched on in shock, as did many others. "I swear to Primus, his little heart is going to explode if he keeps up this violent miss treatment of his body."

Ironhide only nodded, and watched on in mock horror as Dexter grabbed Sam, and whispered loudly (bit of a contradiction for you) "_The cake is a LIE!" _Into his ear, then shoved him and stumbled off.

Sam only stood, confused, before shaking his head, and walking off to find Bumblebee.

* * *

Okay, so it was only 5 rules. GIVE ME A BREAK, THOUGH.

I haven't written in a horendously long amount of time, so just chill, there will be more...So what did you guys think? Too much Dexter? Not enough Dexter? More robot? Who cares about your dumb OC just give us some Transformers goodness? You tell me guys, after all, **HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO LEAVE A REVIEW?**

K, guys, thats it for me now!

~DeX


End file.
